Put your pants back on. All right, happy Monday, everyone. Roll that, thank you. So, according to a new poll, 86% of Americans now agree that Joe Biden is too old for a second term. And the other 14% say he's too old for last rites. I know that was harsh. Now you know you're in trouble when the percent[age] of Americans who say you're too old is actually higher than your age. We can't get 86% of people to oppose murder. But think about it, 86%, Americans are finally united. Joe Biden's promise finally came through. He brought us together. I mean, in believing that he's a f**** mess but still. What's even sadder, however, is that it took a special prosecutor's investigation to convince dead-end Democrats to come around to what's been obvious to us for a long time; that they're as brain-dead as he is. Robert Hur's investigation may have been about Biden's handling of classified documents, but in the end, it was really a wellness check on the old guy in the White House that's been missing in action. And the result is exactly what we already knew. The lights are on, but no one's home. Now, you know things are bad for the left when you've lost a female who slept with Bill Clinton. But also Hillary Clinton. 

HILLARY CLINTON: I talk to people in the White House all the time. And, you know, they know it's an issue. But as I like to say, look, it's a legitimate issue.

So Hillary went from this "IM WITH HER" to this "I'M WITH HUR." Huh? Pretty clever. Oh shut up. So maybe she's thinking though that she can replace Biden once Gavin Newsom and Michelle Obama kill themselves. You know, it's not against the law to pose questions. But it gets worse. Over at the progressive mothership, The New York Times ran no fewer than three editorials focusing on this dark moment in Biden's presidency, questioning his temperament and cognitive sharpness. They even included it in their Sunday crossword puzzle. Nine across, the hint was ice cream- eating cadaver that farts dust. 

Terrible, so bad.

"The combination of Biden's age and his absence from the public stage has eroded the public's confidence," the paper said. "He looks as if he's hiding or, worse, being hidden." True, if the staffers could, they'd throw a sheet over him but that would only bring back memories of lunch with Robert Byrd. He was in the KKK, just [t]o remind people. So Joe's lost it and the Dems are freaking out. On CNN, Democratic advisor Paul Begala said this: "I'm a Biden supporter. And I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every two hours crying and went to bed. This is terrible for Democrats."

BIDEN'S UPCOMING PHYSICAL EXAM WILL NOT INCLUDE A COGNITIVE TEST, WHITE HOUSE SAYS

Yeah, terrible for Democrats, but also terrible for your wife. I mean, she's married to Paul Begala, and he wets the bed. But there are holdouts. Still, the LA Times asserts that because Joe came of age when politicians once took on big causes, it's actually Biden's age that is his superpower. Right? That's like saying Iron Man's superpower is rust. Here's a closer look at Super Joe. Can you tell me what superpower this is?

COMPILATION OF BIDEN WORD SALADS

Apparently, Joe's superpowers don't include talking and walking. If he were a superpower, his name would be "The Stumbler." Of course, the White House is pushing back, saying "we don't blame Republicans for their desperation to forget the Biden presidency." Well, no, the problem isn't Republicans trying to forget. Remember, the report says Joe doesn't know when he was vice president. He's the one doing the forgetting. But the question I keep having is, is this really dementia? What if that illness was guilty of stolen valor? I mean, even a young Joe Biden was a dishonest, amoral, narcissistic a**. 

Saying Joe has dementia is like saying heroin may cause drowsiness. I mean, for Joe, dementia may be the frosting on an already s*** cupcake. And that's a problem for America, which is why the Dems are getting desperate and stupid. The Biden Harris campaign just joined communist China's social media platform TikTok. This after Biden had signed a law banning TikTok from government phones. Luckily, he's too senile to be prosecuted. But let's not forget TikTok's mission is to brainwash American users. Luckily again, Biden remains immune. You can't wash what you don't have. It's why you never see Michael Loftus at a laundromat. He doesn't have clothes. All right. But as Biden skipped the traditional Super Bowl Sunday interview, the White House released a video with Joe complaining about snacks. 

BIDEN SKIPPING THE SUPER BOWL INTERVIEW PERPLEXES CNN'S TAPPER: ‘WHAT’S HE AFRAID OF?'

PRESIDENT BIDEN: It's Super Bowl Sunday. If you're anything like me, you like to be surrounded by a snack or two while watching the big game. You know, when buying snacks for the game, you might have noticed one thing sports drinks bottles a smaller, a bag of chips has fewer chips, but they're still charging it just as much. I've had enough of what they call shrinkflation. I'm calling on companies to put a stop to this. 

Yeah, potato chip bags used to be fuller. You know, like Joe's Depends are today. But think about it. He's bashing snacks on the biggest snack day in the universe. Talk about not reading the room. It's like bringing up Roe v. Wade at a baby shower. Thank you, Michael. Now, the Hur report sets up an unsolvable equation. Call it the Biden paradox. If Joe Biden is incompetent, too incompetent to be charged, then how can he be competent to be our president? And if he is competent to be president, then why wasn't he charged like Trump was? Apparently, the answer as, Jonathan Turley points out, is for the White House to claim the fault lies with Robert Hur, not the president who can't tell Egypt from Mexico. But as Joe would say, denial isn't just a river in Tijuana. 

Let's speak directly to the media, those legacy reporters who continue to deny what nearly all Americans know to be true. This is a watershed moment. We've all heard the Hur report. We've seen the conclusions from someone who got to interview the president without you, the media, running interference. If you're ever going to regain any credibility, you might want to come clean. Otherwise, you're going to end up just like Joe Biden: with one foot in the grave and the other in your mouth.